Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things anyone can go through. As a friend, it's natural to want to help and be supportive during this difficult time. However, sometimes our words and actions can unintentionally make things worse for our grieving friends. Here are some things to avoid saying when trying to support a friend who is grieving:
"Everything happens for a reason."
This phrase is often used as an attempt to make sense of a tragedy or to provide some kind of comfort. However, for someone who is grieving, it can come across as dismissive and invalidating of their pain. Instead, try acknowledging the difficulty of the situation and offering a listening ear.
"At least they're in a better place."
While the idea of a loved one being in a better place may bring comfort to some people, it's important to remember that everyone grieves differently. This statement may not align with your friend's beliefs and may not be helpful. Instead, offer condolences and ask how you can help in a practical way.
"I know how you feel."
Grief is a deeply personal experience, and while you may have experienced a similar loss, it's important to avoid assuming that you know exactly how your friend feels. Instead, offer your support and be a good listener, allowing your friend to express their feelings and experiences.
"It's time to move on."
Grief is a process that takes time, and everyone moves through it differently. Telling your friend to "move on" or "get over it" can come across as insensitive and dismissive. Instead, offer support and remind them that you're there for them, no matter how long it takes.
"They wouldn't want you to be sad."
While the intention behind this statement may be to encourage your friend to find happiness, it can be hurtful and dismissive of their grief. It's important to validate your friend's feelings and offer support without trying to dictate how they should feel or behave.
In addition to avoiding these phrases, it's also important to remember that grief is a complex process and everyone experiences it differently. Some people may want to talk about their loved one, while others may prefer to avoid the topic. Be patient and attentive to your friend's needs, offering support and kindness in whatever form they need it.
Here are some ways to be supportive to a grieving friend:
Listen: Be a good listener and allow your friend to express their feelings without judgment or interruption.
Offer practical help: Offer to help with practical tasks, such as cooking meals, running errands, or taking care of their pets.
Check in regularly: Grief can be a long process, so it's important to check in on your friend regularly to show that you're still there for them.
Celebrate their loved one: Remembering and celebrating the life of the person who has passed away can be a healing experience. Ask your friend if they would like to share memories or create a tribute together.
Be patient: Grief is a process that takes time, and everyone moves through it at their own pace. Be patient and understanding with your friend, offering support and kindness whenever they need it.
When it comes to supporting a grieving friend, it's important to avoid saying things that could unintentionally make things worse. Instead, offer support and kindness in whatever form your friend needs it.
It's Ok That You're Not Ok: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine (Author)