"It's hard to put into words how I feel right now. My emotions are all over the place, and I'm struggling to make sense of them. I feel like I'm walking through a fog, unable to see where I'm going or what's ahead of me. Everything feels uncertain, and I'm not sure if I'm making the right decisions. I'm trying my best to keep it together, but sometimes it feels like everything is falling apart. I just wish I could find some clarity and peace in the midst of all this chaos."
Ashley, a 32 year old Education Assistant from Whorouly in northeast Victoria, left her husband due to physical and emotional abuse and infidelity, has found herself in a complicated situation. She has started having an affair with her ex-husband, with whom she still has feelings, despite his past treatment of her. Ashley is struggling to make sense of her emotions and the consequences of her actions, and she feels guilty and ashamed of what she is doing. In this article, we will explore the complexities of Ashley's situation and provide some guidance on how to deal with infidelity and the emotional fallout that often accompanies it.
Interviewer: Hi there! Can you tell me a bit about your situation?
Ashley: Yeah, sure. So, I left my husband three years ago because he was physically and emotionally abusive, and I found out he was cheating on me. But now, I'm having an affair with him, and no one knows about it.
Interviewer: That sounds like a difficult situation. How did you come to the decision to have an affair with your ex-husband?
Ashley: It wasn't really a conscious decision, it just sort of happened. We started talking again and old feelings resurfaced. Before I knew it, we were meeting up secretly and things just escalated from there.
Honestly, I don't really know why I do it. I guess I still have feelings for him, even though he treated me so badly. Plus, the sex is amazing.
Interviewer: Have you considered telling your friends or family about seeing your husband again?
Ashley: No, I can't. They would never forgive me for going back to him after what he did to me. Plus, I don't want them to judge me or think less of me.
I'm ashamed, I guess. They all know how badly he treated me, and I don't want to admit that I'm going back to him. Plus, I don't want them to judge me or think less of me.
Interviewer: How does that make you feel, keeping this secret from your friends and family?
Ashley: Honestly, it's really hard. I feel guilty and ashamed for going back to him, and I know that my loved ones would be disappointed in me. But at the same time, I can't help how I feel. I still love him, despite everything he's done to me.
Interviewer: Can you tell us a little about your situation and why you left your husband?
Ashley: Yes, I left my husband because he was physically and emotionally abusive towards me, and I found out he was cheating on me with multiple women. I couldn't take it anymore, and I knew I had to leave to protect myself and my children.
Interviewer: That sounds incredibly difficult. Can you tell us more about what you're going through now?
Ashley: Well, it's been a few years since I left him, and I've been doing my best to move on and focus on myself and my kids. But then he started reaching out to me, apologising and promising to change. And I guess I was weak and vulnerable, and I started seeing him again in secret.
I was married to him for about 2 years, but things started to go south when he became abusive towards me and started cheating on me. It was really tough, but I knew I had to leave for my own safety and wellbeing.
Interviewer: So, how did you end up having an affair with him?
Ashley: Ugh, it's so embarrassing. I don't know, I guess I just missed the good times we had together and he's been so sweet to me lately. But I know it's wrong and I don't want to tell anyone about it.
Interviewer: It sounds like you're in a difficult position. Have you considered seeking help or talking to a therapist about your situation?
Ashley: Yes, I have thought about it, but I haven't taken any steps yet. I know I need to get help to deal with my emotions and make the best decision for myself and my children, but it's hard to admit that I need help.
But maybe that's a good idea to see a counsellor. I just don't want anyone to know about the affair. Honestly, I'm just so confused and don't know what to do. But maybe counselling could be a good idea. I just don't want anyone to judge me for what I've done.
I just don't want to feel like a failure for going back to him after everything that's happened. But I know I need to take care of myself and figure out what I really want.
Interviewer: Are you afraid of your friends or family finding out about the affair?
Ashley: Absolutely! I know they would judge me and think I'm making a huge mistake. But at the same time, I can't help the way I feel. I just wish I could figure out what I really want.
Interviewer: How do you feel about your current situation?
Ashley: It's complicated. I know it's not right, but there's still a part of me that loves him and wants to be with him. At the same time, I feel guilty and ashamed for even considering it.
Interviewer: Do you think your ex-husband has changed?
Ashley: I don't know. He says he's sorry and that he's changed, but I'm not sure if I can believe him.
In some ways, yes. He's apologised for what he did and seems genuinely remorseful. But at the same time, I can't help but wonder if he's just saying what I want to hear so he can have his cake and eat it too.
Interviewer: Have you thought about ending the affair and moving on from your ex-husband?
Ashley: Yeah, I have. But it's hard. I still love him, and I don't know if I can let him go. Plus, he keeps telling me that he's changed and that he's sorry for what he did to me.
Interviewer: How do you think seeing him in secret will impact your future and your ability to move on?
Ashley: Honestly, I have no idea. Part of me wants to believe that we could make things work again, but another part of me knows that our problems run deep and aren't easily fixed. I'm just taking things day by day and trying to figure out what's best for me in the long run.
Interviewer: Thank you for sharing your story with us. Do you have any advice for other women who may be going through a similar situation?
Ashley: My advice would be to prioritise your own safety and well-being. Leaving an abusive relationship is never easy, but it's important to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. And if you're struggling with conflicting emotions or need support, don't be afraid to reach out for help. There are people out there who care and want to help you.
Look, don't do it. It's not worth it. You deserve better than someone who treats you poorly and doesn't respect you. It's hard to leave someone you love, but sometimes it's necessary for your own well-being. I don’t know!
Interviewer: Absolutely, taking care of yourself should always be a top priority. Is there anything else you'd like to share about your situation?
Ashley: Just that it's really hard and I feel so conflicted. But I know that I need to do what's best for me, even if that means making some tough decisions.
Interviewer: That's understandable, I wish you the best as you work through your emotions and make a decision that's best for you. Thank you for sharing your story with us today.
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* Names and photos have been changed to protect the interviewee's anonymity where requested.