Elle is a 32-year-old woman from Australia who has been in a relationship with a married man for a few years. She recently found out that he had a baby with his wife, making their situation even more complicated. In this interview, Elle opens up about her experience as a mistress, including how she copes with the emotional toll of being in this type of relationship, how she deals with judgment from others, and the advice she has for others who find themselves in similar situations.
SheThrives: Hi, can you tell us a little about yourself and your current situation?
Elle: Of course! My name is Elle, and I've been in a relationship with a married man for a few years now. Recently, he had a baby with his wife, but he still wants to be with me. It's been a really tough situation to navigate. So I guess I am his mistress? Is that still a word? Sounds a bit sexist and old fashioned.
SheThrives: How did you meet him and become his “mistress”?
Elle: Oh, it's a bit of a story. We met at a work function and hit it off right away. We had so much in common and just clicked. I didn't know he was married at first, but when I found out, I thought I could handle it. I mean, I'm not proud of being a mistress, but sometimes things just happen.
We started seeing each other and it was just supposed to be a casual thing, you know? But then we fell in love and it just got more complicated from there.
SheThrives: How did you feel when you found out he had a baby with his wife?
Elle: Honestly, it was a huge shock. I knew by then he was married, but I guess I never really thought about the fact that he might have kids. I felt so betrayed and hurt. But at the same time, I couldn't help feeling happy for him. It was such a confusing mix of emotions.
SheThrives: That sounds incredibly difficult. How do you cope with the emotional toll of being a mistress?
Elle: Well, it's not easy. There are times when I feel really down and question whether or not I'm doing the right thing. But ultimately, I know that this man loves me and wants to be with me. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
SheThrives: Do you feel any particular feelings about your situation?
Elle: Like the expected guilt and shame? Honestly, no. I know that some people might judge me for what I'm doing, but I don't think it's fair to put all the blame on me. This man is the one who made a commitment to his wife, and he's the one who is choosing to stay with me. And who knows what their relationship is like? Maybe she has a lover too? I don't see why I should feel guilty or ashamed for something that's not entirely my fault.
SheThrives: Have you ever considered leaving this man and finding someone who is more available to be with you?
Elle: Not really. I love him, and I believe that we have a real connection. I know it's not the most conventional relationship, but I think we make each other happy. Of course, I do sometimes worry about what the future holds, but for now, I'm just taking things one day at a time.
SheThrives: Do you see a future with this man?
Elle: I used to think I did, but now I'm not so sure. I mean, he's always going to be married to someone else. I don't know if I can handle that forever. Plus, there's the whole issue of the baby now. I don't want to be the cause of any more pain or drama.
SheThrives: Have you considered ending the affair?
Elle: Yes, many times. But it's not that simple. I care about him and I know he cares about me too. We have a connection that's hard to explain. Plus, I'm afraid of being alone. I know that's a terrible reason to stay in a relationship, but it's the truth.
SheThrives: How do you feel about being the “other woman” in his life?
Elle: Honestly, it's not something I ever thought I would be okay with. But when you fall in love, you don't always think logically. And I know that he loves me too, even though he's married. It's just a really difficult situation.
SheThrives: How do you deal with the judgment and criticism from others about your relationship?
Elle: Oh, you wouldn't believe some of the things people say. But I just try to ignore it and focus on what's important to me. I know that not everyone will understand, but as long as I'm happy, that's all that matters.
SheThrives: Do you have any regrets about the choices you've made?
Elle: Honestly, yes. There are times when I wish things were different, that we could be together without all the complications. But I also know that I wouldn't change anything because it's brought me to where I am today. And that's a place where I'm happy and in love, even if it's not in the way most people would expect.
SheThrives: What advice would you give to someone who finds themselves in a similar situation?
Elle: Oh, I don't know if I'm really qualified to give advice. But I guess I would say that you need to be honest with yourself about what you want and what you're willing to accept. It's easy to get caught up in the moment and think that you can handle being a mistress, but the reality is much more complicated. And remember that you deserve to be with someone who can fully commit to you and give you the love and respect you deserve.
I think the most important thing is to be honest with yourself about what you want and what you're willing to accept. And then, just take things one day at a time. Life is messy and complicated, but you can still find happiness in unexpected places.
SheThrives: Thank you for sharing your story with us, Elle. Is there anything else you'd like to add?
Elle: Just that being a mistress is not easy. It takes a lot of emotional strength to handle the ups and downs of this kind of relationship. But at the end of the day, I believe that love is love, and sometimes it doesn't fit into neat little boxes. I hope that people can be more understanding and accepting of situations like mine, instead of automatically judging and shaming those involved.
* Names and photos have been changed to protect the interviewee's anonymity where requested.