With the dawn of digital dating, we’ve ushered in an era rich with new terminologies. Navigating modern dating requires not only understanding human emotions but also the ever-evolving language that accompanies it. In this guide, we're decoding some of the most popular dating acronyms and styles of the 21st century.
Ghosting: Probably one of the most talked-about terms, ghosting refers to someone suddenly cutting off all communication without any explanation. A study conducted by Plenty of Fish found that 80% of millennials have been 'ghosted' at least once.
"It felt like we had something special, and then out of nowhere, he ghosted. I was left in a whirlwind of confusion and hurt." - Lucy M., 28, Sydney.
Breadcrumbing: This is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal messages (breadcrumbs) without intending to recapture your romance.
DTR: Short for "Define the Relationship". It's the talk where two people decide where the relationship is headed.
Benching: This refers to someone who keeps a potential partner interested without committing to a relationship, rather like keeping them "on the bench".
Cuffing Season: The period during the colder months where finding a partner becomes more of a priority. It's the opposite of summer flings.
According to a survey by Dating.com, 70% of respondents noted a significant uptick in dating activity during the winter months.
FWB: Stands for "Friends With Benefits". Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved.
FBO: "Facebook Official". When a couple displays their relationship status on Facebook for all to see.
Situationship: An undefined romantic relationship. Neither an official relationship nor just friends, but something in between.
Slow Fade: Gradually decreasing the amount of communication before stopping entirely, rather than ghosting suddenly.
Catfishing: Creating a fake identity on a social platform, usually targeting a specific victim for deception.
"After weeks of talking, I found out he wasn't who he said he was. The betrayal from catfishing cuts deep." - Zara, 31, Perth.
Zombie-ing: When someone who ghosted returns to your life, like a zombie from the dead.
Stashing: When someone hides you from the public eye, keeping the relationship a secret.
Hardballing: Dating with a purpose. It's when someone knows exactly what they want in a relationship and aren't willing to settle for less.
Gaslighting: Manipulating someone by psychological means into doubting their sanity.
According to a survey conducted by YouGov in 2021, 1 in 3 people (33%) reported having experienced gaslighting in a personal relationship. The study also revealed that a significant portion of the population may not be aware of the concept, suggesting a need for greater awareness and education on psychological manipulation in relationships.
R-bombing: Refers to when someone reads your message but does not respond. The 'R' stands for 'read'. It can be frustrating to see that your message has been read but not acknowledged.
Submarining: Similar to zombie-ing, submarining occurs when someone you thought had disappeared from your life suddenly resurfaces without any explanation or acknowledgment of the absence.
Kittenfishing: A less severe form of catfishing, where individuals present themselves in an unrealistically positive way on dating apps. This could include using outdated photos or exaggerating their interests and achievements.
Love Bombing: When someone tries to control another individual with "bombs", brimming from day-long compliments and love notes.
According to an article in Psychology Today, love bombing can be a sign of emotional abuse in a relationship.
Micro-Cheating: A term for small actions that could be considered as infidelity, depending on the boundaries set in a relationship. This might include texting someone else flirtatiously or liking an ex's posts on social media.
Orbiting: After ghosting, the person still engages with you on social media – they may like your posts or view your stories, but they don’t communicate with you directly.
Mooning: Deliberately silencing notifications from someone you’re dating, often indicated by a moon symbol on many smartphones.
NSA (No Strings Attached): This acronym is used by people who are looking for a casual sexual encounter without any expectations or commitments.
"I prefer NSA encounters because they fit my busy lifestyle without the emotional demands of a relationship." - Jordan, 29, Brisbane.
Breadcrumbing 2.0: Unlike traditional breadcrumbing, this version involves sporadic bursts of intense interest and flirtation, followed by periods of complete silence.
Cookie-jarring: This is when someone treats you as a backup while dating other people. You’re not the main 'cookie' in the jar but rather a backup option in case others don’t work out.
Haunting: When a former romantic interest continues to interact with you on social media, even after the relationship has ended.
Paperclipping: Named after Microsoft’s Clippy, it describes an ex who pops up uninvited after a long period of silence, usually without any real intent of reconnecting.
"After months of silence, he suddenly reappeared with a random message. It was as if he wanted to remind me he still existed, but with no real intention of starting things up again." - Sarah J., 44, Brisbane.
Fleabagging: Continuously dating people who are wrong for you. The term is inspired by the titular character of the TV show "Fleabag".
Eclipsing: Adopting the interests or hobbies of someone you’re dating, losing your own interests and identity in the process.
Exoskeleton-ing: When an ex-partner’s friends or family contact you or show up in your life after a breakup.
Queerplatonic: Describes a relationship that is more intense and intimate than a friendship, but not romantic or sexual in nature. This term is prevalent in both gay and broader LGBTQ+ dating.
"Our queerplatonic relationship is deep and meaningful, beyond what words can define." - Sarah, 27, Adelaide.
Gatsbying: Posting on social media to get the attention of a crush, similar to how Jay Gatsby in "The Great Gatsby" threw extravagant parties hoping to catch Daisy's eye.
Cruising: Looking for casual sex partners, traditionally in public places, though the term has evolved with technology and now includes apps and websites.
Discreet/Down Low (DL): Referring to individuals who wish to keep their sexual orientation or activities private, especially prevalent in cultures or communities where being out is not safe or accepted.
LTR (Long Term Relationship): Used by individuals looking for a committed, long-term partnership rather than a casual or fleeting connection.Closeted/In the Closet: Refers to an LGBTQ+ individual who has not publicly or openly acknowledged their sexual orientation or gender identity.
A Gallup poll indicated that the percentage of American adults identifying as LGBTQ who are "out" has risen to 70% in recent years.
While some of these behaviours can be harmless, others can be emotionally taxing. It's important to approach modern dating with self-awareness and clear boundaries. Remember, genuine connections are built on honesty, respect, and open communication.
Navigating the Modern Dating Maze
While this myriad of terms might seem daunting, the core essence of any relationship remains unchanged: mutual respect, understanding, and trust. As you tread these modern dating waters, be empowered with knowledge but stay rooted in the age-old wisdom of genuine connection.
Modern dating, with its diverse lexicon, offers both opportunities and challenges. As with any evolving terrain, staying informed ensures you can engage confidently. Remember, beyond the acronyms and styles, it's the genuine connection that we all seek.